You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Randomize
