Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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