i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
