I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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