His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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