I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
