And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
