Just fell off a train. Bad.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
