im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
