just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
we're making bets on your personal life
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
