Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
