I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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