I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
He did a backflip because drugs
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
