i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
