I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
