capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
