You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
