U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
