Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
