Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
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