Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
