I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
it's like heaven, but drunker
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
