I don't remember. Are we still dating?
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
