if i died would you start the facebook group?
how do flat chested girls get laid?
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I need to wash the frat house off of me
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
