We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
