I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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