Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
