I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
