2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
