don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
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