I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
