she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
