i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
We are all done wearing pants today
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
