I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
