my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
