been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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