i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
