I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
The feeling are messing with the penis
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Randomize
