I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
