DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
