Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
