Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
