i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
