Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
