We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
