so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
