You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
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