The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
