I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Just invented taco cereal.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
