Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
