This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
There are leaves in my underwear?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
