I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
