im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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